BIG IDEA:
BROKEN HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE TRANSFORMED BY OUR NEW FAMILY RELATIONSHIP IN CHRIST
INTRODUCTION:
Broken human relationships create pain for each one of us. The pain is increasingly severe according to the closeness of the former bond of companionship and love and loyalty. That is why divorce hurts so deeply. Where you should find love and intimacy, you now find turmoil and separation. But broken relationships affect us in other contexts as well. Think of losing a friend or being estranged from former contexts of Christian fellowship or feeling ostracized at work or rejected by your schoolmates … Broken human relationships always cause pain and create awkward situations.
The Apostle Paul inserts himself into the middle of a broken relationship between Philemon and his slave Onesimus. You remember the context from last week. . . Now Paul is making an impassioned plea for reconciliation. He wants Philemon to set aside his natural feelings for vengeance (He had been wronged . . . probably robbed . . . and publicly embarrassed ) and receive Onesimus back as much more than a slave – but as a beloved brother in the body of Christ. The aged, imprisoned Apostle has already been successful behind the scenes in persuading Onesimus to return. Think of the internal struggle that Onesimus must have faced. His life had turned around as he met Paul and as Paul introduced him to the Savior. But instead of being able to forget all about the mistakes of his past, he is now being urged to make things right in his relationship with Philemon. What a risk to make himself vulnerable and go back to submit to the disposition of a former master whom he obviously had not respected enough to stay with. But the gospel had so transformed the life of Onesimus that he was willing to trust the Lord to do the right thing and leave the results in His providential hands. But what would be the reaction of Philemon?
The power of the gospel in transforming lives means that things do not have to remain in their dysfunctional state. As new creatures who have been reconciled to God the Father in Christ we can experience reconciled human relationships as well. But it’s never easy. Reconciliation requires repentance and restitution and forgiveness. But that’s the type of behavior that should correspond with the experience of God’s grace and forgiveness in our own lives.
Alan Thompson: Paul transitions from speaking of Philemon’s love for all the Lord’s people and the way this love is an encouragement to him in the preceding verses, to gradually developing his appeal for Philemon to extend this love specifically to Onesimus, and in turn further encourage Paul.
G.K. Beale: This verse commences the formal body of the letter (vv. 8–21), which will continue to show how the goal of “grace and peace” (v. 3) can be achieved through Paul and Philemon. The verse commences with “therefore” (διό, dio), which refers back to the main points of verses 4–7. That is, on the basis of Paul’s thanksgiving for Philemon’s love and faithfulness and his prayer that he increase in those qualities, Paul begins to make his request about Onesimus in verse 8 and completes it in verse 9 (παρακαλέω, parakaleō, I appeal), though the request is not yet even completed there. Paul is confident that the request he is about to make of Philemon will be responded to positively because of the “love” and “faith” Philemon has already demonstrated (vv. 6–7, 9). Likewise, Paul is confident that his prayer for Philemon to increase in effective good works resulting from his faith will be answered positively (v. 6).
Douglas Moo: The first section, verses 8–14, is marked by an inclusio. In both verses 8–9 and verse 14 Paul refers to the basis on which he wants Philemon to act: not because Paul commands it (v. 8), so that Philemon feels “forced” (v. 14), but out of love (v. 9), as a voluntary act (v. 14). In both parts of this inclusio Paul also makes clear that Philemon is, in fact, going to be presented with a course of action that he must choose: There is something he “ought to do” (v. 8), a “favor,” or “good thing” (v. 14) that Paul is going to request. That this favor has something to do with Onesimus Paul also makes clear (v. 10).
In verses 10b–13, then, Paul does three things that contribute to his appeal.
- First, he explains the circumstances that have led to the appeal: Onesimus has come into contact with Paul (implied); Onesimus has been converted through Paul ( 10); Paul is sending Onesimus back to Philemon (v. 12).
- Second, he puts pressure on Philemon by reminding him of his difficult circumstances: he is an “old man” ( 9) and a prisoner (vv. 9, 10, 13).
- Third, he puts further pressure on Philemon by making it clear that he, Paul, is having to do something difficult himself: send back to Philemon one who is his “very heart” ( 12) and who promises to be very helpful to Paul (v. 13).
5 PRIORITIES ENCOURAGING A SPIRIT OF RECONCILIATION AMONG BELIEVERS IN BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
I. (:8-9) PURSUE AGAPE LOVE — FOLLOWING THE EXAMPLE OF JESUS CHRIST AND THE APOSTLE PAUL
A. (:8) Tone of Appealing Rather than Commanding
“Therefore, though I have enough confidence in Christ to order you to do what
is proper . . . I rather appeal to you” (same verb in vs. 10)
Reconciliation is the right thing to do in this instance = “what is proper”
Daniel Akin: A good definition of tact may go something like this: it is a skill that, without any sacrifice of honesty or truth, enables a person to say the right word at the right time in the right way and to do the right thing in the right way in any given situation. Now this is a skill we should all greatly desire! It is a skill beautifully put on display by Paul. As Paul begins his humble appeal, he makes sure to avoid two things: he does not pull rank, and he does not neglect to express his love.
William Hendriksen: The reference to authority is made to flash before Philemon’s mind for just a moment, only to recede entirely to the background when the spotlight is turned on the most dynamic motivating power in the entire universe, namely, love.
G.K. Beale: Paul goes back and forth: he acknowledges his own apostolic authority (v. 8), then says he would rather appeal to Philemon not out of that authority but out of love (v. 9a), and in verse 9b he reverts back to acknowledging his apostolic authority, and as we will see, he abruptly in verse 9c contrastively appeals again to something other than his apostolic position: he is a helpless prisoner. Such back-and-forth appeals reinforce for Philemon that Paul is making his appeal on the basis of love and lowliness rather than on the basis of his apostolic status, to which he could appeal, if he wanted to do so.
B. (:9a) Theme of Agape Love
“yet for love’s sake”
This is the point of emphasis in this section
C. (:9b) Testimony of Paul’s Example – Playing the Sympathy Card
- Wisdom of Spiritual Experience
“since I am such a person as Paul, the aged,”
possibly plea for some sympathy related to his old age and all that he had experienced for Christ; not likely a reference to his authority since he was appealing rather than commanding
John MacArthur: More than a reference to his chronological age (which at the time of this letter was about 60), this description includes the toll that all the years of persecution, illnesses, imprisonments, difficult journeys, and constant concern for the churches had taken on Paul making him feel and appear even older than he actually was. . .
Acts 28 says he was a prisoner in a rented house, he has people coming and going, he’s chained probably to a Roman soldier. And he’s saying, “Philemon, can you dare refuse a request from poor old me?”
- Sacrifice of Committed Service
“and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus”
How could you refuse the appeal of such a spiritual giant as the Apostle Paul?
How can we act in a way that would contradict the agape love that has been demonstrated to us?
How much is agape love a priority in how you relate to others?
G.K. Beale: Paul’s point in underscoring his position as a prisoner is to persuade Philemon to empathize with his lowly status and then to empathize with Onesimus’s lowly status as a runaway slave, who deserves to be chained up for his outlaw status.
II. (:10-11) PUT AWAY FORMER PREJUDICES
You used to look at this person a certain way. Now you need to change your thinking completely. When you see this person you don’t want all of the memories of how they have wronged you to keep flooding back and clouding your ability to relate to them.
3 Dramatic Changes need to be recognized in the life of Onesimus:
Paul has already recognized these changes; now Philemon needs to view Onesimus in this new light as well
A. (:10a) Change in Favored Status – Now a Protégé of the Beloved Apostle
“I appeal to you for my child Onesimus,”
B. (:10b) Change in Family Identity – Now a Child of God
“whom I have begotten in my imprisonment,”
C. (:11) Change in Functional Value – Now Useful
“who formerly was useless to you, but now is useful both to you and to me.”
John MacArthur: This is the same Gr. root word from which “Onesimus” comes. Paul was making a play on words that basically said, “Useful formerly was useless, but now is useful” – Paul’s point is that Onesimus had been radically transformed by God’s grace.
Name Philemon means affectionate or one who is kind
Look at how Christ was able to look at Simon Peter and see his potential for ministry
What is more important to you? Hanging on to your old prejudices in terms of how you view the potential of this person or giving the other person the benefit of the doubt regarding his repentance and commitment to following Christ?
III. (:12-14) PROMOTE GOSPEL MINISTRY PARTNERSHIP
A. (:12-13a) Valuable to Paul for Gospel Ministry
“I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart, whom I wished to keep with me,”
R.C.H. Lenski: the nobler viscera (heart, liver, lungs), the seat of the feelings
B. (:13b) Valuable to Philemon for as an Extension of His Gospel Ministry
“so that on your behalf he might minister to me in my imprisonment for the gospel;”
Onesimus could now serve as an extension of the ministry of Philemon
C. (:14) Voluntary Requirement of this Gospel Ministry Partnership = Your Goodness
“but without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your goodness
would not be, in effect, by compulsion but of your own free will. “
Reconciliation is ultimately about furthering our partnership in the gospel so that the cause of Jesus Christ would be advanced; it is not ultimately about me enjoying more comfortable relationships.
What type of priority do you put on partnership in gospel ministry? What is best for the testimony of Jesus Christ?
Daniel Akin:
- The wrong action at the wrong time leads to disaster.
- The right action at the wrong time brings resistance.
- The wrong action at the right time is a mistake.
- The right action at the right time results in success.
Truth and timing are twin essentials in resolving conflict. In the case of Onesimus, Paul knew who was ultimately responsible at this point (Philemon) as well as what the right thing to do was (set Onesimus free and send him back). So he puts the ball in Philemon’s court. Just as Paul is trying to do the right thing in the right way, Philemon needs to have the opportunity to do the same.
IV. (:15) PONDER GOD’S PROVIDENTIAL WORKING
Focus on the Eternal over the Temporal
“For perhaps he was for this reason separated from you for a while, that you
would have him back forever,”
Just like the incident with Joseph and his brothers where they were out to harm him, but God orchestrated the events for the good of His people (Gen. 50:20)
William Hendriksen: Paul wants Philemon to see and consider God’s glorious, overruling providence.
G.K. Beale: The main point of verses 15–16 is that Philemon would have his slave back forever as a beloved brother “in the Lord.” The slave status is not denied but is transcended by the slave becoming an eternal brother (cf. Jeal 2015: 49). Thus we do not see, as do several commentators, that “in the flesh” refers to “ordinary human” existence apart from Christ and “in the Lord” refers to the new status “in Christ” (so, e.g., Wilson 2005: 357).
William Klein: The contrast between “for a little while” and “for good” shows Paul’s conviction that the hand of God has been at work in the whole situation. It also shows his tact. Instead of bluntly referring to Onesimus as a runaway, he speaks of his temporary separation from Philemon as a prelude to a permanent reunion with him.
Alan Thompson: Paul encourages Philemon to consider (‘perhaps’) the events in light of God’s providence, suggesting that in spite of whatever the circumstances were for Onesimus’ departure from Philemon, this may have been part of God’s greater purpose in the lives of both Onesimus and Philemon. The passive voice of the word echōristhē (‘was separated’) is a ‘divine passive’ in the sense that it was God who was ultimately behind this action. The meaning of the word does not specify how this departure came about. Given that Paul is aiming to convince Philemon of God’s good purposes in this event, however, it is unlikely that this was something Philemon initiated or even wanted. Paul’s appeal to God’s ultimate purposes, therefore, is consistent with the scenario that Onesimus ran away. Paul’s main focus though is that in God’s providence Onesimus has come under the hearing of the gospel and his life and status has changed for ever. This has eternal consequences for believers since there is a new bond between them, as they are now joined together to the hope the gospel provides for eternity (Col. 1:5, 22–23, 28). This new eternal relationship is what Paul unpacks a little further in the rest of the sentence that continues in the following verse.
V. (:16) PREFER SPIRITUAL FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Focus on the Spiritual Fellowship over the Household Hierarchy
“no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to
me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.”
William Hendriksen: both in the affairs of this world and in the affairs of the higher life
Thomas Constable: In Onesimus, Philemon would receive one with whom he could share the fellowship of Christ and one who would render him more conscientious service than he could expect from a non-Christian.
James Dunn: What this reunion of Onesimus with Philemon should mean begins to be spelled out along with the extent of the demand Paul was putting before Philemon. Once again, however, we have to ask: What was Paul asking for? A literal reading would suggest that he wanted Philemon to free Onesimus: “no longer as a slave” (Lohmeyer 189; Friedrich 196; Bruce, Colossians, Philemon, and Ephesians 217; S. S. Bartchy, ABD 5.308 and 6.71).27 But it is just as possible to read the request as a plea for a transformed relationship between master and slave — still between master and slave, but transformed by the faith they shared in common (so particularly Schulz 416 and Binder 36-40). This latter alternative is strengthened by a possibly deliberate allusion to Exod. 21:6/Deut. 15:17 in v. 15 (“have back forever”; see on v. 15; and note also v. 11: more useful than ever), by the implication of the end of this verse that their relationship will continue to have a double dimension (“in the flesh and in the Lord”), and by the broader implication of such passages as Gal. 3:28 that relationships “in Christ” transcended even if they did not abolish distinctions of race, status, and gender (see also on Col. 3:11 and 4:1; cf. the also ambiguous 1 Cor. 7:20-24). “The renunciation of any punishment is obviously included and need not be expressly mentioned” (Gnilka 51).
Alan Thompson: Thus Philemon will have Onesimus back as more than merely a slave, but as a beloved brother, transforming their earthly master–slave relationship (en sarki) and bringing them into a common eternal relationship with one Lord (cf. njb, ‘both on the natural plane and in the Lord’).
Having begun by thanking God for Philemon’s faith and love, Paul’s emphasis on God’s work of grace in changing lives is continued in this section. The basis of Paul’s developing argument is the difference that the conversion of an individual makes. That person has a new status and a new loving family of brothers and sisters. Paul highlights the close relationship in the gospel that has developed with Onesimus’ conversion. He has become so close to Paul that Paul can call him his ‘son’, his ‘very heart’ and ‘beloved’ as a ‘brother’. The reality of Philemon’s love for the Lord’s people is already seen in his love for Paul, and Paul hopes that this love will in turn be expressed towards Onesimus. Furthermore, although Paul does not state the matter definitively, he appears to continue this emphasis on God’s work of grace in people’s lives by suggesting that God is ultimately behind the details of Onesimus’ departure from Philemon (15). This appears to be something of a ‘they meant it for evil but God meant it for good’ argument much like Genesis 50:20. Just as Paul thanks God for the evidence of faith in believers’ lives, so he recognizes God’s hand in the varied and mysterious circumstances that brings them to faith.
CONCLUSION:
Story of the Prodigal Son
1 John 4:7-11 “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.”