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“You can do it. We can help, ” confidently asserts the professional hardware store spokesman. Is that so? Has he seen me in action? Has he had the opportunity to critique my work? What makes him so obnoxiously sure that I can handle this open-ended, unspecified home improvement project? What if my wife is watching and mistakenly picks up on this notion and believes the lie? The marriage ramifications are incredible.

I wonder if Home Depot’s liability lawyers have signed off on this blanket promise. It seems to me the company is opening themselves up to potential lawsuits. How would you define “false advertising” other than making an outrageous claim that can be proved to be patently false. Believe me … I have levels of incompetence that should be fairly easy to document.

I could understand if Home Depot wanted to put the responsibility on their shoulders – turning around their jingle: “We can do it. We invite you to help.” I would have no problem with that offer. But please refrain from speaking on my behalf.